Many times when I see a handicapped parking space, I mentally joke with myself (my best audience) that I am entitled to the spot since I am emotionally and spiritually handicapped. I've searched http://www.beliefnet.com/ for a religious community for those spiritually handicapped like me, but have not found it yet. For some odd reason, I can't find a community in which the religious dogma includes answering the question, "Do you desire with your whole being to follow the Way?" with a hesitant, "Uh, yes? that's a definite maybe? "
Why am I spiritually handicapped? I'm not one to have a spiritual cliched answer for every problem. There are many out there who do, but for me, things are unfortunately more complex. On the one hand, I envy those who appear to be spiritually strong, certain and competent. On the other hand, I feel closer to the strugglers, to those who have moments of inspiration, but many times of doubt and darkness too. I most appreciate spiritual folk who are "real"-- those who show their flawed, human side. They give me permission to feel okay when I need to park in a spiritually handicapped spot. Rather than urge me to finally "graduate" to a fully-abled spiritual being, they inspire me to try to reach just more moments of inspiration, meaning, and inner peace.
And so, cruising around the parking lot for the spiritually developing, I will bypass all those spaces meant for those who walk upright and righteously. I will clench onto my ego crutches, peak out of the one good eye that is not blinded by the log that's in it, and park my weak willed spiritual spine in the spot that's left for people just like me. ----But I console myself with the thought that my lot can't be all that bad since all handicapped spots are closer to their intended Destination.
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